@clairerichard

The two drive off to soccer practice, but he’s got to stay in the car. She’s just not ready for Ricki to meet any of the guys—but is willing to bring an entire camera crew? Right.

Ryan reminds Emily of Brad too much. But luckily he can dance. Brad, Brad, Brad, Bentley, Brad, Brad…oh, wait.

Day two: Hopefully Emily can focus on 13 guys, one of her major concerns. I mean, it could get a little challenging…

And she announces, it’s time to perform! (Because this entire show isn’t enough of a performance.) Emily has brought the guys to a local theater to put on a performance to raise money for a charity.

But our injured friend Charlie has got some nerves—and insecurities about his speech due to the accident. Emily is so sweet and handles the situation well. His opening up to her is impressive and charming, what a gal! He came out a winner.

I have to say, I enjoyed the Muppets’ presence on the show tonight—Chris’ banter with the old guy (does he have a name?), the almost-kiss with Kirmet, his assuring words about Emily, and a charming finale. I kind of felt like I was back on Sesame Street all over again, which I’m sure was the point given Ricki’s presence. They raised over $20,000 for the Lavine Children’s Hospital!

We return to the mansion, and it’s a dark and stromy night and the battle continues for time with Emily. I don’t think I’ve ever seen guys this competitive!

One-on-One Date 2: Joe. This guy is still way too excited. They journey to a hotel that Emily often went to as a child. It’s beautiful, romantic, and has a great charm. After a lovely dinner, and learning about a great tradition…Joe just couldn’t quite pass the test.

Cocktail party: I love watching these cocktail parties. It’s like a sophisticated football game with suits and a formal gown. These guys are at each others’ throats fighting each other to this girl. And of course, we say goodbye to two more bachelors, but it’s too early in the season to be emotional about it.

Until next week…

And so it begins: a summer TV tradition my girlfriends and I have cherished for years. Tonight we all witnessed the season premier of The Bachelorette, staring the beloved Emily from Brad’s season of The Bachelor.

We begin with Emily’s backstory—which, through the original airing, recaps, and tabloids, we have all heard over 100 times (and don’t worry, if you haven’t heard the story, we hear it another 100 times in the first half hour). A touching, lovely, yet heartbreaking story. But luckily, Emily gives the single women of America the touching advice that heartbreaks happen, and we’ve just got to “put on our big girl panties and move on with it.” (A true inspiration.)

Bring out the bachelors!

• Our first bachelor: A modern, southerner. Doesn’t seem like anything terribly exciting—so unexciting that I didn’t bother to catch his name.
• Ryan: Boot Camp Dad. Likes to put kids through boot camp? He does have a son though. That’s nice.
• Tony: Obsessed-with-fitness man. Single dad, trying to find love—how sweet. Until he uses, the “Who has two thumbs and is going to win Emily’s heart? This guy.” thumbs.
• Lerone: Seems bland.
• David: NY Singer/Songwriter—already obsessed with the woman. Write some more lyrics in your love song man besides, “Emily.” He doesn’t seem pleased to be in Charlotte. Sorry Paco. Welcome to south of the Mason-Dixon line.
• Charlie: Had a near-death experience with a brain injury. But don’t worry, his heart is just fine! He seems sweet. He made it through the door without falling and having another injury, so that’s good.
• Jef: CEO of People Water—likes to be underestimated. I can appreciate an underdog. But guys, we’re dealing with a bit of a bada** here. Riding on the back of the limo on his skateboard…what a guy.
• Arie: Racecar driver! Perfect. Let’s make Emily cry. Thanks Arie. Instant connection out of the car though. I’m kind of a fan.
• Sean: Insurance Agent/creepy, creepy man.
• Doug: From Seattle, and has a son—instant connection. But that’s kind of all he talks about—playing the great dad card a little too much for my tastes, but it seems to be winning Emily over.
• Jackson: Fitness model? Cheasiest moment—on one knee, reciting awfully romantic cheesy quotes. She’s scared.
• Joe: Seems way too excited. Like, holy cow, calm down.
• Kyle: Got the tie right. Oh yea.
• Chris: Family man, loves God—he seems like a keeper.
• Aaron: Bio teacher, he’s so nerdy! “I’m a high school biology teacher, but I’m looking for chemistry with you.” What a line. I’m sold.
• Brazil man, she doesn’t even speak Spanish, let alone understand Portuguese.
• Stevie: This guy likes to boogie down! What a cutie. —“just want to make you smile.”
• Tony: “The name’s Charming, Prince Charming.” Is he the new mask man? BOOT HIM OFF THE ISLAND!
• Randy: The crossdresser/marketer. Creative entrance, but..scary.
• Nate: Meh.
• Brent: The name tag genius.
• John “Wolf”: Weird nickname dude.
• Travis: Egg Man. The egg represents Emily and Rikki. The new, “guard and protect your heart” guy I gather. This is going to be interesting…there’s always one.
• Michael: Long hair, don’t care! And he comes bearing gifts—a guitar pick. (That’s romantic.)
• Jean-Paul: Fancy pants name. Doesn’t know Emily. Obvi doesn’t watch ABC. Get outta here.
• Alejandro: Too much Spanish dude. This is ‘Merica.
• Ryan: Note-taker. But it’s sweet. I’m a fan.

And cue the helicopter? Who is this. Tension builds amongst the men—they already hate him.

• Kalon: Luxury brand consultant. AKA: The Helicopter Guy. These guys do not like him.

The guys exchange some light banter. It’s not a competition. (But it is.) They all note how hot she is—the naked dress has nothing to do with it. It also doesn’t fit her, about how many times did she have to hike that thing up?

And surprise, surprise: Doug gets the first impression rose. Predictable.

Commence the overly dramatic music and slow pans. It’s time for the Rose Ceremony. I had a realization: Does she actually know all of these guys names after one night? That’s impressive.

Also, my favorite part of any Rose Ceremony is when Chris comes out to let us all know that there’s only one rose left. (The slow zoom into it for the past five minutes wasn’t indication enough.) Which this week, went to Egg Man. Thank goodness, we need a weirdo around to keep it interesting.

Looks like the season will have plenty of drama to go around. Until next week..